Dave,
Six years ago my grandmother died in a freak folding chair accident.  The
event traumatized my family for years.  I brought the chairs in as a
reminder of my grandmother--her warm compassion, caring spirit, and smiling
face.  How dare you disrespect her memory with your cruel and vulger email.
I am deeply offended and emotionally distraught.  Expect the paperwork
notifying you of my civil suit against you in a few days.  I am asking for
$305 billion in compensatory damages.
 
I will never forgive you,
Joe