> Approved-By:  [log in to unmask]
> Date:         Sat, 19 Dec 1998 01:45:40 EST
> Reply-To: "Michael Moore's newsletter" <[log in to unmask]>
> Sender: "Michael Moore's newsletter" <[log in to unmask]>
> From: [log in to unmask]
> Subject:      Mike's Dinner at the White House
> To: [log in to unmask]
>
> Mike's Dinner at the White House
>
> 12/18/98
>
> Dear Friends,
>
> I met Bill Clinton outside a Port-O-John last
> night and told him what he needed to do.
>
> Earlier in the week, I had received a call from
> the network chief at Britain's Channel Four
> Television (the producer of our upcoming show,
> "The Awful Truth") asking me what my plans
> were for last evening.
>
> I replied, "The usual.  'Wheel of Fortune' at 7,
> 'Jeopardy' at 7:30.  Pop down to Lincoln Center
> to catch an hour or so of Verdi's "La Forza del
> Destino" then rush back for 'Diagnosis: Murder'
> at 9...
>
> "How would you like to have dinner at the
> White House?"
>
> "Which house?"
>
> "The White House."
>
>  "Uh, sure."
>
> "It's to honor the Special Olympics," he said,
> "but I sense there may be other things going
> on in the White House.  Do you think I can
> get security clearance for you?"
>
> "Uh, well, I was just there at the White House
> gate last week filming a piece for the show.
> They called out an FBI swat team in flak
> jackets. I'm sure there'll be no problem."
>
> And so it was that I found myself in the
> receiving line to meet Bill and Hillary Clinton.
>
> "You're from the working class," I blurted out
> as I shook Clinton's hand.  I noticed that his
> makeup seemed as thick as Richard Nixon's
> when I saw him parading down the main street
> of Bad Axe, Michigan, one week before his
> resignation.
>
> "That's right, I am," he replied.
>
> "You should never forget that."
>
> "I don't forget it."
>
> "You must not resign. You must beat the Right
> Wing."
>
> "I intend to."
>
> "And this bombing thing, bad idea."
>
> "I have been a big fan of yours, Mike, since
> he beginning."
>
> At this point, Hillary interrupted.
>
> "Well, I'm a bigger fan!"
>
> Great. Now they're squabbling. Trying to save
> the moment I glance over to Bill then say to
> Hillary, "Well. I'm a bigger fan than..."
>
> She grabbed my hand and forearm.
>
> "I read what you wrote about me," she said,
> referring to the chapter in my book entitled
> 'My Forbidden Love for Hillary'.  I just wanted
> to thank you for those words."
>
> Those words?  Hmm. You mean where I said
> you were "one hot, s***kickin' feminist babe"?
>
> An aide came to move me along, but Hillary
> waved her away.
>
> We chatted a few more moments about our
> daughters, the need for them to see the
> lessons in this whole mess, and I told Hillary
> to run for office.
>
> We did the arm to arm embrace again and
> I walked away.
>
> At the dinner, they had seated Hillary's chief
> of staff next to us.  I gave her an earful of what
> I thought the Clintons need to do.  She gave
> me the First Lady's address and number.
>
> The dinner itself tasted like the "Thursday
> Surprise" from my high school cafeteria lunch
> menu.  Before long, I felt a need to relieve
> myself.
>
> Because we were in a tent on the White House
> lawn, they had set up two Port-O-Johns
> (the high end "Executive" model) for the
> guests. One was locked, so I used the other.
>
> As I came out, President Clinton came out of
> the other Port-O-John.  Alone.  No Secret
> Service. I shook his hand again.
>
> "I meant what I said, Mr. President. Do not
> give up.  I have not always agreed with you
> but this is bigger than you. The majority of this
> country does not agree with what is happening."
>
> Now, unlike his smiling demeanor in the
> receiving line, he looked down and quietly
> said "we're gonna be okay."
>
> It was not convincing.
>
> "Look," I said, like the presumptuous doofus I
> often am.  "I would love to send you a letter
> outlining how I think you can defeat these
> right wingers."
>
> Jeez, I felt like such a jerk.  Like he can't wait
> to read my "bullet points".
>
> He called over to a man standing nearby.
>
> "Doug, come here, meet Mike.  He's got a
> few ideas for us. Doug's my political director."
>
> I told him I'd drop him a line, and as I sit here
> this morning in my D.C. hotel room, watching
> the coup in Congress live before my eyes, I
> wrote this appeal to the President of the United
> States:
>
> Go on TV tonight with Hillary.  Let her speak
> first.  Let her tell the country about the pain
> you have put her through. She should tell the
> country of her decision to forgive you and try
> to save the marriage.
>
> Explain that, unlike the "Christian" Republicans
> Bob Barr (married three times didn't pay child
> support), Newt Gingrich (sued his first wife for
> divorce the day after her cancer operation), etc.
> etc., you have decided that it is important to
> keep your family together.
>
> I watched the two of you at close range last
> night for nearly five hours.  I trust my radar and
> instincts, and I was struck by how much the two
> of you actually like each other and how
> affectionate you are.
>
> The cynical press did not show that side of you
> on the news this morning.  It doesn't fit their
> "script".  But I saw it.  And I think you should
> go on television together and let the nation
> see it.  One big, long, deep kiss would do all
> of us a hell of a lot of good.
>
> Then, Bill, you have to say you lied. You have
> to say you wanted to save your marriage and
> your family and you thought lying would do it.
> You must tell the country what it already
> knows-- you did not lie to break the law or
> perjure yourself-- you lied because they set a
> trap for you and your first thought when they
> threw you the out-of-the-blue question about
> Monica was, "Oh my God, my marriage. Lie!"
>
> Then I want you to say that you'd do it again.
> That's right. Say boldly that if anyone ever tries
> to pry into your personal life and destroy your
> marriage you will do anything to save it.
>
> Remind us how we all lie.  I lied yesterday
> flying to DC when the ticket agent asked me
> if my "bags have been with me at all times since
> I left the house." I said yes. I think it's a federal
> crime to lie when asked that question.  Who
> among us has not told that lie or one similar?
>
> Bill, all lies aren't the same, just as all crimes
> aren't the same.  We do treat a parking ticket
> different than a murder.  Use my golf analogy.
> Ask the Republicans would they throw you out
> of office if, under oath, you had lied about your
> golf score?  That would be perjury, right?  And
> if what they say is true--that all perjury is the
> same-- then would they overturn a national
> election for the first time in our history because
> you committed perjury when, under oath, you
> said you shot a 68?
>
> Last night, word spread during the appetizer
> course that the new Speaker, Bob Livingston,
> had admitted to having "multiple affairs" during
> his 33 year marriage.  You probably noticed
> everyone licking their chops along with the
> pheasant cakes at this news.
>
> Go on TV and call an end to this madness.
> Announce that the Witch Hunt is over. Pat
> Robertson and Ken Starr were elected by
> NO ONE -- YOU were.  Tell the nation that
> Bob Livingston's sex life and marriage contract
> is none of anyone's business.  Say you will
> tolerate no more of this, it's over, and you're
> going to get busy ensuring universal health
> care, preparing the country for the inevitable
> economic collapse, and spending more time
> with your wife.
>
> If the wingnuts attempt to interrupt you with
> cries of "But, the difference is, Livingston didn't
> lie under oath!" tell them that one's marriage
> oath is far greater than any oath taken in a
> politically-motivated civil suit.  One oath is
> taken in front of a sleazebag lawyer; the other
> is taken before God and the spouse you have
> promised to love for the rest of your life. If the
> Republicans can't figure out the difference,
> then f*** 'em.
>
> Finally, Bill, stop the bombing.  The reason
> you were originally the target of the reactionaries
> is because you refused to go and kill Vietnamese.
> Remember?  But you got elected and you spent
> a lot of time bringing peace to  Northern Ireland
> and the Middle East.  Now you have blood on
> your hands.  In the name of all of us who have
> worked for peace since those Vietnam days,
> stop this nonsense now.  Iraq was George
> Bush's war to restore a dictatorship in Kuwait
> and protect the interests of the oil companies.
> You have no business being part of this.
>
> At the end of the dinner, you and Hillary took
> the stage with the young people who are
> Special Olympians and, with Sheryl Crow,
> Eric Clapton, Run DMC, Vanessa Williams,
> and Jon Bon Jovi, you all joined in singing
> Springsteen's version of "Santa Claus is
> Coming to Town." I cracked a smile as you
> sang the line about Santa checking his list
> "to find out who's been naughty or nice."
> Then, looking at the array of all of you on the
> stage-- black, white, men, women, an ex-heroin
> user, an ex-Miss America-turned-Penthouse-
> scandal-centerfold, I thought that's our mosaic,
> this whacky country of ours.  Sinners all, hoping
> for redemption, living life through its scars and
> triumphs, no one able to cast the first stone.
>
> Last summer, Linda Tripp looked into the
> camera and told America "I am you." No, she
> isn't us. We are basically a decent and honest
> group of people.  You and your motley crew on
> the stage are us.  Flawed human beings who
> constantly make mistakes, then try to make
> things right.
>
>
> I grabbed Orrin Hatch by the arm on the way
> out and told him, "You had better do the right
> thing."  He stopped and stared at me.
>
> I repeated myself, "I said, you had better
> respect the will of the American people. You
> didn't vote for him, I didn't vote for him, but the
> majority of those who voted did.  Do not
> disrespect that."
>
> "Ok," he said, confused, as his wife dragged
> him away.
>
> On the way out, I spotted the White House
> screening room and asked my friend from
> Channel Four to snap a picture on my
> Instamatic of me slouching in Clinton's big
> overstuffed chair pretending to watch the
> latest Barbra Streisand film. The Secret
> Service smiled, then threw us out.
>
> It was a weird night.
>
> Yours,
>
> Michael Moore
> <A HREF="mailto:[log in to unmask]">[log in to unmask]</A>
> <A HREF="http://www.MichaelMoore.com">http://www.michaelmoore.com</A>
>
> P.S. Call your Democratic Congressman now
> and tell him the American people want him and
> every single Democrat to get up and walk out en
> masse. They should refuse to sit there and
> participate in this Kangaroo Court.  Boycott this
> impeachment vote now! The Republicans can only
> get away with this by making it look "legitimate".
> It can't look legitimate if the place is half-empty
> and the vote is 218 to 0 with 205 abstentions.
> Get up and leave now!  (202) 224-3121.

____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________
________________________
Annie Finch
 http://muohio.edu/~finchar
Assistant Professor of English/Creative Writing
Miami University
Oxford, Ohio 45220